Winning at sports can create an over zealous sense of importance and cause a child to base their identity on being an athlete or even worse identify themselves as a winner at all costs. This would be someone who walks over others to win because they enjoy too much the emotions that come with winning. I am not saying we need to knock our kids down a peg or two (although it might be tempting sometime) but instead we teach our kids to be gracious winners and treat others with respect even while winning. I will be presenting 3 things not to do and why and then next week three practical ways you can help your child become a gracious winner.
One thing I will say to do all the time is to celebrate your child winning.
They should be rewarded for doing a good job and reaching thier goals. Celebrate with them, get excited, tell them how excited you are, jump up and down at the final whistle, or pitch, or at the end of their routine. Don't hide excitement and don't forget to celebrate wins and a good effort in their competition. Having said that, here are the three things I recommend you not do when a kid wins.
1. Don't put down the other team/participants: The other people tried their hardest just like your child. You can praise how well your child played and talk about how great their team worked together and praise other parts of their team. If you start demeaning the other team's efforts then your child will see that when they lose that is what you think of them, that they weren't good enough to win instead of caring about their effort.
Your child can see how you make winning a priority and change his priorities to winning instead of trying hard.
You want to teach your child that even though we strive to win and reach our goals we do not do it at the expense of other people. When they enter adult "life" they will run into people they might be able to walk over based on the skills God gave them. You want to teach your child to come alongside those people and not to get haughty and lord it over them.
2. Don't let bad behaviour during the competition slide: I'm not saying to point out every foul they committed or every single little thing, this also has side effects, but focus on certain things you want to point out to your child. As an example, complaining/arguing with the umpire/ref/official is seen in almost every professional sport. If you see your child starting that trend, please say something.
You are risking bigger things than your child arguing a foul or bad call.
I can remember having friends that would argue with the ref during a soccer match then come off the field and argue with their parents. The deeper issue is a disrespect for authority instead of arguing the call. You don't need to speak with your child right after the game. Celebrate the win, but don't let things get to far along before talking to your child about their behaviour.
3. Don't let winning become the focus: This one is pretty easy to let happen when your child continues to win. If your child is balanced and wins some and loses some then they understand the agony of defeat and the joy of winning. If they mostly win they can run into the winning at all cost mentality. You saw this with the Lakers team during the last NBA playoffs. They were so used to winning that when they were on the brink of elimination they started playing very dirty and arguing every call. There is an obvious correlation to an idea you do not want to teach your child.
Winning at all costs will affect your child for the rest of their life.
When put into a business setting many people walk all over those without the same skills just to get their way to the top. They end up lonely and without many friends. In marriage a win at all costs mentality can come up in an argument where they have to win the argument and use some very hurtful words in order to get their spouse to back down. In the extreme this will lend itself to cheating and being false in order to get ahead in life. This one is one of the most dangerous ideals that is throughout youth sports today. It's brought about by coaches who want to win and by parents who live their lives through their kids.
I know this all sounds good in theory which is why next week I desire to write a blog about some practical ideas to keep these things away from your child's mind.
I will stress again though, don't down play your child's achievements. Celebrate with them, tell them you are proud of them, hug them, buy them ice cream; and you too. Don't make achievements the focus of your relationship with your child though. Treat them with the same love and respect when they lose as when they win.
Always remember, your childs relationship with Jesus Christ is much more important than their winning in any competition.
No comments:
Post a Comment