Losers

Losers

The word losers conjures up a couple of images in my mind.  The first is slack shoulders, a bent head, and heavy sighs.  The second is the El Dorado Flame.

The El Dorado Flame were suppose to be a competitive soccer team, but when games finished with other teams in local leagues we were not very competitive. Score lines were normally 8-1, 4-0, the worst was 18-0. It was a perpetual feeling of losing.

Whether it is every game or every once in a while losing can be a very hard thing for a child of any age.  It can be hard to pick up the spirits of a losing team member or to encourage them to continue to give it their all.  I want to give you three don'ts this week and three do's next week to think about when you are faced with your kids losing in any competition.

1.  Don't blame others: Blaming the referee, blaming the coach, blaming the kid who didn't pass, blaming the field/court/track, blaming the shoes, blaming the other team for cheating,  may be legit at certain times, but 99% of the time it is not.  Think about what your child is going to take away from this when they grow up.

I'm not saying you should blame the loss on your child --- just don't blame anybody!

If the ref makes one bad call that doesn't make up for a dozen more things that your team might have done differently, even if that one call does change the outcome of the game. Teaching your child to blame others is not what you want when they grow up and start blaming everybody else for their marriage, finances, and other important things.

2. Don't point out what your child did wrong:  There is a time for instruction, but right after a loss is not the time for you to train or critique them.  When practicing you can talk about how they could have done things differently but not right after their loss.  They will know what they did wrong, they don't need a reminder. 

What this portrays is that you are more interested in their success then you are their effort.  It tells your child that they are not good enough.

When an athlete plays in a game they can replay almost every step they made during the game.  They already are feeling down about losing and then to be reminded of every play again from somebody else can create a sense of not being good enough.  This has the potential to teach them that success is whats important and if success isn't coming then just give up.

3. Don't forget their emotions: "You're always a winner in my book.""You'll have better luck next time.""You win some you lose some." These are little anecdotes which may be true but if thrown around without meaning or explanation could actually cause your child to be quiet and not share with you about the game.  You have the ability to encourage your child and train them through the bad things in life.  Little anecdotes can be conversation enders, where as to use a loss as a training tool you want conversation starters.

Teaching kids how to cope with a loss in a sport can be a stepping stone for teaching them how to deal with hard times in life.

It may seem so like such a trivial moment when your child loses at anything and starts to cry or have a low demeanor.  You might even want to scream and tell them "it's just a stupid game"(which is true) but to them it's more than a game.  If they are not taught how to cope with the loss of a sporting event then how are they to cope with the loss of a loved one or the loss of a job.

I know I take things to the extreme.  I don't think I am off base though.  I fully believe that God gave us sports to glorify Him and to teach us certain things we would need to learn.  Sports is a trivial matter when it comes to life but it can also be an amazing tool to raise your child in the way they should go.