There are ways you can help your child with losing.
In the last blog I mentioned some ways I have seen parents deal with their children losing that I do not recommend. In this blog I want to look at some things I have seen parents do very well. The biggest thing that can be done is to keep things consistent. If you are trying to help your kid feel better then that is what you will accomplish. If you are trying to teach your child how to deal with loss then that is what you will do.
So what can you do to help teach your child about losing?
1. Be ready to listen: Although your child may not be in a talking mood for a bit, knowing that you are willing to listen will allow them to be able to share their feelings when it's time. Teaching your kids to talk their frustrations will insure they can articulate their feelings later on.
Feel free to have a set of questions you can ask to encourage your child to talk.
You can create a list of questions to ask your child that will get them to think and converse with you, without shutting them out. Your questions should be open ended. How did you give your all today? What is frustrating you about todays game? What can you work on to get better? Asking questions will show your child that you want to listen and that you have their interest at heart rather then getting your opinion across or "coaching" at them.
2. Point out what they did right: I am not a fan of parents who tell their kids that they are the best thing in baseball since Babe Ruth or the best thing in soccer since Pele. I believe in being realistic about the gifts that God has given each child. However, when a child loses sometimes they only see the negatives instead of all of the improvements they made.
Pointing out the positive can help them form their perspective on life.
You can't force your child to be an optimist, but you can show them that in the midst of losing they can see good. The fact that you noticed the positives will go a long way and show that you care about their effort and not just their results. In this case you want to be as specific as possible. If you mention certain things that were good they will remember them instead of just metioning that some good things happened during the game. The hope is that this action will lead towards them seeing that God is good and is sovereign!
3. Lead by example: I feel like everyone of my lists has this, but I can't stress it's important enough. If you expect your child to act a certain way and then you get mad at the coach or the ref or something then that is what your child is going to see. If your mood changes based on how your professional sports team did then how much more is their loss going to effect you.
Many kids don't like losing because they are afraid of what their parents think.
Show your child that healthy competition is important and that even though you don't strive to lose, it's ok. Your child can be stressed out by percieved expectations, even if you don't have them. Your child knowing what you expect and what is important to you can cause them to handle losing better. Showing them how to handle losing and dissapointment will go just as long as any conversation. Show them how not to act and that can be just as detrimental to what you are trying to teach.
The best thing you can do is love your child, no matter what. Hug your child when they lose. Take them out to ice cream, show them as much love as you can.
These are some ideas that you can use. Obviously there is no quick fix and there are a ton of different ideas out there. These are just a few do's and don'ts that I have observed from watching parents interact with their children after sporting events. Let me know in the comments what other advice you would give to parents! Thank you for reading.
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