Winning Again

Winning Again

Every game or contest has a winner.  Sometimes we are on the good side of winning and others we are on the not so good side of losing. If our children are on either side we want to make sure we teach them how to be a gracious loser and also how to be a gracious winner.

A gracious winner is somebody who takes winning in stride.  Knowing they won on that day but also know they won’t always win and that it’s ok not to win.  Somebody who respects their opponents, somebody who knows that winning is the outcome of hard work, somebody who strives to be their best, and somebody who is willing to help others get better as well. Gracious winners are what we are hoping our children become, now and later on when they grow up and move into the adult world.

So what are some things we can do to help our children become gracious winners.  I want to make three suggestions:

1.       Tell them how proud you are of their skill and hard work. Always celebrate a win, be excited for your children and their accomplishments.  When talking later though focus on how proud you are of their hard work and the skill they have rather than the win.  This will show them that you care more about their effort and skill then you do their winning.

Praising them for their efforts will give them a desire to keep that level of effort up.

If you only every praise the child for the result then they will start to see that the result is all that matters not what it takes to get there.  Trying to win is an important trait and you can even praise the childs will or heart that they played with.  When they start thinking that the win is what’s important to you then that is when they will stop winning graciously and win at all costs.

2.     Talk to them about how good their teammates were. Helping kids to understand that they don’t “use” other people to win but instead work with them and sometimes learn from them will go a long way in helping them to be a gracious winner. Whether it’s an actual teammate or the coach it’s important they know that many people helped to make sure that they won.  There is sometimes where a child can win an event single handedly and I understand that, but for the most part they will be involved with team there whole life.

Teaching them the value of a team can be imperative in teaching them how to work inside a group in the future.

When a child reaches the adult world they will think back to how a team helps them.  If they view a team as a hindrance rather than a help then that is how they will act and “use” the people around them to get ahead.  Even if they are the leader of the team they still need to bring others along with them.  Jesus showed us this while here on earth.  Jesus could have done His ministry all by Himself, but instead He brought His disciples around Him.

3.       Praise the other team. If you can do it so that your child sees it that is the best.  By seeing you praise the other team it will do two things.  The first thing is that it will show your child that you still respect the losing team and the effort that they put into the game. The second is it will show that the losing team has value in your eyes.  Eventually, your child will lose at something and showing them when they win that you respect the loser will help them to know that you still love and respect them when they lose. 

Your child needs to learn that everybody holds value. 

Just because they beat them this time doesn’t mean that your child will always win or is the better person.  The team and the kids on the team they just played have a  lot of value.  By praising the other team you are able to help see value in everybody, win or lose.

You can do all these things to help teach your child how to be a gracious winner.  Even though they refer to using winning as a way to teach children, they are not taking away from the victory that your child achieved. You should always celebrate your child doing well.  They should know that you are proud of them and that they are good.  We don’t just want our kids to win, but instead we want them to be gracious winners.  We want them to be ambassadors for Christ and being a gracious winner is one way to do that!